Wednesday, September 5, 2012

A Little Help For All You Mean/Rude People Out There...

If you don't think you're mean or rude, you should have a look at this anyways because
78.3958% of you who are mean or rude don't know you are.
Now before you pass this post off as a cocky proposition that underlines some sort of self-perceived superior moral conscience, let me be the first to say that I too have the mean symptom, and that 100% of percent of these lessons continue to aid my existence in humanity.

  1. Don't say to others that your hobby requires more skill, is more meaningful, or is more anything synonymous to superior than theirs. If you must express the divinity of what you do or else you'll die from a blood clot IN YOUR EGO, then talk about your hobby in its own game. What do I mean? Say something like this: "Hip hop dance takes a good understanding of groundedness and improvisation - things I'm good at. I would never make it in ballet like you." See what I did there? If you can manage, extol them in their field a little bit. 
  2. Don't be so quick to blame others and exonerate yourself when shady incidents occur. Keep that pointed finger in your pocket. Of course it's fair to say you didn't do it if you really didn't do it, but the execution of this speech is crucial.  Don't get all high pitched and defensive when no one has even said anything against you. This might sound obvious, but think about how many times you've done that. If you suspect someone - definitely not out of prejudice - refrain from saying these 3 words: YOU DID IT. The more respectable way to express your suspicion is to describe what you saw/heard in the most objective manner or to ask the suspect questions about his whereabouts/actions in an understanding tone. Examples: "I remember leaving an uneaten taco there before I left to grab some soda from the canteen." / "Did you perhaps mistaken my concert tickets for scrap paper?" And try not to sound sarcastic when you're doing that. 
  3. When someone complains about or mourns over their life, don't compete with them. Telling a suffering person that the worst experience he has ever been through can't beat your worst experience is like kicking him when he's already down in the dirt. Don't you understand that in such state of despair, winning at anything can cite the tiniest glimmer of satisfaction? But what did you go and do? You took away his dream of being the victim of the most traumatic/tragic event to ever occur in history. Geez, let him have his moment. Be the bigger baby.
  4. They say honesty is a virtue, but I am pretty certain these philosophical experts didn't mean for you to go around pointing out people's flaws 24-7, like you're some patrol officer for a perfect world. I want Thai society in particular to listen real closely here: telling someone they're fat is NOT how you begin a friendly conversation with them. "Fat" is just always derogatory.  Even people who want to gain weight don't want to be fat. If you must tell someone they seem to have put on weight, say it like that. But be aware that even that can be very unpleasant to hear over and over again, so just try to stick to the "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything" rule of thumb.
  5. Don't voice all the corrections your brain conjures. RULE: you can only call out a maximum of 50% of your peers' inaccuracies. SO BE SELECTIVE. I know the urge to share your superior knowledge with the less informed is so biting, but you have to fight it. Be selfish with your intelligence sometimes. Next time someone incorrectly recalls the order of which Voldemort's horcruxes were destroyed, restrain the Hermione in you and just let the loud mistake go. 
  6. Make sincere efforts to find out how someone is doing. I stress the word sincere. Don't just ask how are you, wait for the I'm fine, and then leave it at that. If you do get the default answer, specify your question. How's your internship going? So how are you and Ryan doing? How did your big audition this weekend go? It will strike them as thoughtful that you had listened and remember what they might have mentioned ever so briefly in your last encounter. And don't ask with the expectation of them asking how you back so that you can share your "wonderful story". If it's really that wonderful, it'll find its own way of getting told; don't worry.
  7. Prone to cursing? I am a bit too, and to be honest I'm not aiming to give it up completely. I do however strongly advocate for moderation. I'm telling you to reduce the usage of your F, S, and B for your own good.  You know that overuse just wears off the impact of those words, which you probably don't intend for because once you've hit that stage you just look a pretentious wannabe with pathetically limited vocabulary and rhetoric. You also want to test your off-switch because there should be occasions in your life when you shouldn't swear. 
  8. Don't cut lines. 
  9. Don't be late. You know what you're saying to the person waiting for you when you are late? "You. Are. Not. Worth. My. Time." So if you're ALWAYS late, what do you think you are saying?
  10. Hoho, and the last one: don't name names in posts like these.

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