Friday, March 27, 2015

As Lame as Similes in Pop Songs

Story of the day: This morning, I got an opportunity to play a "guess-this-song" game on the radio, and... I lost! I'm a national loser! Now I have to eat my hat (do people really use this idiom) because I've judged so many players for missing on "easy" songs. Damn you, Dangerous by David Guetta!

So to avenge my falling out of a relationship I never had with pop music to begin with, I present to you this post that is really about why I find pop music so ridiculous. Here are similes in pop song lyrics that should make you go, "wait, did I just hear that correctly?" 

1. "If you could take my pulse right now, it would feel just like a sledgehammer."
Fifth Harmony - Sledgehammer // A sledgehammer is basically that thing Thor carries around. A heavy duty hammer, if you will. Your pulse feels like a sledgehammer? The wooden grip or the metal block? In any case, I'd be worried.

2. "Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
drifting through the wind, hoping to start again."
Katy Perry - Firework // This is a classic, but still, um, NO! I've never thought of myself as a cheap, ugly polyethylene product of consumerism that is responsible for rife environmental degradation, Katy. 

3. "I came in like a WRECKING BALLLL!"
Miley Cyrus - Wrecking Ball // Maybe it's just that she went so literal with the music video... 

4. "I love you like a love song, baby."
Selena Gomez - Love You Like a Love Song // That's as creative as a creative lyric. At least Fifth Harmony, Katy Perry, and Miley Cyrus took risks with their similes.

5. "Feelin' so fly like a G6."
Far East Movement - Like a G6 // Didn't we all wonder what a G6 was for the longest time until someone finally screamed, "it's a luxury plane!" Alright, admittedly, this is an okay contemporary simile. It's just annoying to hear over and over again.

But it's Friday, and I don't want to leave you with a bad taste in your mouth, or I guess bad songwriting in your ears. Here's a contemporary song with a well-crafted simile:

Sia - Elastic Heart
"I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard."


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