So to avenge my falling out of a relationship I never had with pop music to begin with, I present to you this post that is really about why I find pop music so ridiculous. Here are similes in pop song lyrics that should make you go, "wait, did I just hear that correctly?"
1. "If you could take my pulse right now, it would feel just like a sledgehammer."
Fifth Harmony - Sledgehammer // A sledgehammer is basically that thing Thor carries around. A heavy duty hammer, if you will. Your pulse feels like a sledgehammer? The wooden grip or the metal block? In any case, I'd be worried.
2. "Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,
drifting through the wind, hoping to start again."
Katy Perry - Firework // This is a classic, but still, um, NO! I've never thought of myself as a cheap, ugly polyethylene product of consumerism that is responsible for rife environmental degradation, Katy.
3. "I came in like a WRECKING BALLLL!"
Miley Cyrus - Wrecking Ball // Maybe it's just that she went so literal with the music video...
4. "I love you like a love song, baby."
Selena Gomez - Love You Like a Love Song // That's as creative as a creative lyric. At least Fifth Harmony, Katy Perry, and Miley Cyrus took risks with their similes.
5. "Feelin' so fly like a G6."
Far East Movement - Like a G6 // Didn't we all wonder what a G6 was for the longest time until someone finally screamed, "it's a luxury plane!" Alright, admittedly, this is an okay contemporary simile. It's just annoying to hear over and over again.
But it's Friday, and I don't want to leave you with a bad taste in your mouth, or I guess bad songwriting in your ears. Here's a contemporary song with a well-crafted simile:
Sia - Elastic Heart
"I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard."